The Thin Side

Longggg day but had a great time – We went to see Anything Goes at the Grand Theatre  another High School Project. It was very well done and very funny…. also went to dinner with friends – so nice and civilized…

Last night after a long day of work – 10:30 pm I arrive home to a distraught young woman – my beautiful daughter who is waging war with her disease.  She had a bad day and confessed she ate a starbucks cookie.  We talked about it and about how she had a rough day emotionally.  I explained that she isn’t using food the way she was and that is why she feels so on edge and emotional.  I said it wasn’t surprising given she had a rough day and she learned a cookie won’t make you feel better.  It isn’t the end of the world – it’s a valuable lesson. It really is interesting how we tend to focus on the thing we messed up on.  I ate too much, I didn’t do something I should have whatever the situation – beating ourselves up is part of this crazy disease – it wants us  to be screwed up and therefore we can eat because were screwed up and what’s the point.  The point is we can beat this, with help… we can’t do it alone. Asking for help from my higher power and inner guide and reaching out to another member is a power I do have and believe me – it works. In the face of this cruel disease I can say – it does get easier …… as we gain awareness and understanding and as we feel the feelings that we have tried to push away…. trust in yourself, your friends and your spiritual guide and it will be okay.

I was exhausted and all I wanted was to go to bed and sleep – I did sleep  but it was interrupted and light, Paul is away for a few days and I hate it when he goes away.  I’m a single Mom until Friday.

Writing a food plan for a week is easy, once you do it once, you can copy and paste the previous weeks plan in and then adjust it. Change the dates and plan for the week and then do the shopping.I followed last weeks plan pretty well and adjusted as I went.  I have a long week ahead of me and I simply copied last’s weeks over – I’ve been writing down my food in a small book I’m carrying around.  Sometimes I can’t always follow my plan.  something comes up and I have to deal with it – good or bad.  In my old Diet days I wrote down everything and it worked I did lose weight – I have really resisted doing this but desperate times call for desperate measures… Continue Reading…

The food diary is starting today….

that is I’m writing down what and how much I eat when I eat it and showing it to my trainer.  I may ask my sponsor to review it with me weekly so I’ll be scanning and posting.  I have to be accountable! I’m still going to post my weekly food plan and not deviate from it – but sometimes life gets in the way.  I’m feeling sorry for myself right now.  I’m mourning, I’m angry I could cry on a dime.  I ask my inner guide and my higher power for wisdom and strength. I don’t feel I’m coping well with these latest changes but I know I need them – for my health and future well being.  I do  understand why I’m feeling this way… my program continues to evolve and like I’ve said before – it’s hard! and it sucks…. but it really does need to happen.

Breakfast: 1 egg w/egg whites(2) green  & yellow peppers, green onion slice lean ham and 1 sl. swiss cheese, 1 sl. ww bread lightly buttered, c. tea w/ milk

Snack: apple

Lunch: ham & cheese sandwich, veggies

Snack: pear, 1/8c mixed nuts (roasted, no salt)

Supper: 1 1/2 c chili (turkey) salad w/feta & sun dried tomato dressing

snack: 1/2c cottage cheese, tomato

So above is my plan for today – but I’m writing it in my book as well – if I deviate from it for whatever reason it goes down in the book….

Good news is I only gained 2 of the 3 pounds I lost … -

Saturday at the OA meeting I attend each week I listened to another members story.  What struck me like a lightening bolt was that no matter what we are dealing with, health problems, work pressures, or relationship issues, one thing stays the same – we live life one day at a time.  Looking back and ruminating over the past or worrying about what is going to happen tomorrow doesn’t help us live for today.  I believe we have to make plans I know its important to have a game plan for the week.  I  know that today is all I have -one small action at a time…

I’ve been struggling this past week with trying to make some pretty big changes.  Going to the gym and working out and eating a more regimented food plan.  Drinking more water and staying away from in between meal  snacking, especially after supper.  I’m also dealing with fatigue.  I feel tired in an unnatural way – to my core.  Everything I do is a push.  Right now as I write this I’m in my bed and I could close my laptop and return to sleep.  I can’t do this – I have to go to work – then my second job and then go to the gym.  I’m getting up right now! hehe

I’m about to shower which I hope will make me feel better and then I’ll have a nice breakfast – if I have time I’m going to make oatmeal if not I’ll have cereal with fruit and nuts. My weekly food plan is under construction and I’ll post it today during a break.  My hunger gage is on full – rarely do I feel this level of hunger in the morning.  Odd….

Ahhhh I over slept this morning and I have about 8 minutes to jot something down.  Today is another land mark day in that I’ll be leaving the house in about 30 minutes and then won’t be returning until after 9PM.  Work and  then working out – should be fun.

I’ll do better tomorrow morning – blogging I mean….

Have a great abstinent day – one day at a time.

Yesterday was a long very full day – not as long as the day before but still long.  What’s truly amazing is how much I actually accomplished given how tired I felt.   I’m not sure it’s a good thing but it does go to show you how tough I can be and how far a little push can go.  I push myself a lot and most of my self talk these days is spent pushing myself to do whatever it is I’m suppose to be doing.   I had to push myself out of bed this morning okay well I have to do this every morning… My point is even though I really don’t want to do it – secretly deep down I would rather not…. I do!  I get up I write, I get ready for work, I work, I go to the gym I workout and come home and then start all over again.  Through all my whining and complaining (in my head) I know that hard work (the right kind) pays off in the end.  I will lose weight, I will remain abstinent, I will feel better… the things promised by our trainer – more energy, feel stronger and look better. Pushing myself is necessary – without it I would just stop.  I want to feel better and look better but what I want most is my health!! I believe without a shadow of a doubt the path to better health is the one I’m on – so I continue to ask for the strength and desire to do it.  My trainer wants to see more sweat…. I want to punch him but I dig in I trust I’m doing what is needed.  He’s a triathlete I’m a bump on a log.  I guess he probably knows …. a bit more than I do about what a person needs to do to get in better shape

One thing for sure – if this doesn’t kill me first it will make me stronger!

I’m tired beyond measure this morning. I worked last night and didn’t get home until after 11 PM. My body is stiff and achy from my exercise session on Monday and today I go again.  The thought of doing a workout  is the furthest from my mind.  I like activity but I don’t like sweating and I don’t like pain!

Reframe:

I love to sweat and I love pain because it means my body is waking up. It means I’m on the road to a thinner, healthier me.  Ahh that’s more like it! Enough whining.  I’ll have a shower, eat breakfast, go to work with one of Kate’s french pressed coffees and that’s that!!

A Final Note:

A prayer for a friend! May today go as well as it can possibly go and my God keep you close.  Many friends and family are sending thoughts of support and love your way. Take care my friend…..

Getting Excited about Exercise

…is an oxymoron to me – the two don’t really go together.  Our second class last night was tough sledding to say the least.  We warmed up by doing 10 minutes on the treadmill which I avoided by going on the cross trainer.  My feet hurt anyway so I’ll try the tread mill tomorrow.  Then we did a circuit where we had stations and for 45 seconds we did different kinds of exercises.  Everything hurt and everything was hard and I was sweating a lot. BUT I did it and afterwards I felt a little weak around the knees. I’m told by the trainers who are working with us that it will get easier and more enjoyable.  I’m not sure I believe them I think they might be masochists. Continue Reading…

Writing a food plan for a week is easy, once you do it once, you can copy and paste the previous weeks plan in and then adjust it. Change the dates and plan for the week and then do the shopping.I followed last weeks plan pretty well and adjusted as I went.  I have a long week ahead of me and I simply copied last’s weeks over – I have a paper copy of my plan and I need to adjust this one for the coming week. The shopping was done yesterday by Paul so I’m all set.  Good news – I’m down 3 lbs from last week.

Monday – Sept 13, 2010

Breakfast (9:30 am): oatmeal, 1/8 c mixed unsalted roasted nuts, 1 tbsp maple syrup

Snack (10 am): apple

Lunch (3pm ): salmon cakes, peach

Snack (3pm): yogurt and fruit

Dinner (6 pm): last nights dinner – beef stew

Snack (8:30 pm):  cereal

Exercise:   Y Not Shrink IT – class no. 2 Continue Reading…