The Thin Side

Today the sun is shining and the flowers are blooming

YESTERDAY

Looking back over yesterday  I had some very anxious moments and a couple of times I felt so anxious I had trouble focusing and it felt extreme.  It was a day to remember but also a day to get through and a day to be glad its over.  The honesty part is I’m glad it’s over and of course it wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated…. shocker! To quickly recap yesterday sucked! Work was busy and I had to deal with some difficult situations – I did and now whatever will be will.  The serenity prayer helped a lot.  It was also a tough day food wise and I missed my fitness class. When I got to the Y I was 10 minutes late and then realized I didn’t have my running shoes. I could have gone swimming but  decided to just go home and finish up my work from here. I’m disappointed in myself  and trying not to beat myself up too bad. Lesson here – move on and focus on today because that is what I have. Continue Reading…

Dear Disease,

I’m angry – I don’t want you I don’t want to spend my valuable time dealing with you.

The reality is I do have you and by my accepting and acknowledging this – you lose the power and hold you have had over me. The more I resist the bigger you become. Continue Reading…

Zoom – It’s Friday

The week has gone FAST and a little bit better than last week,  I don’t feel as angry or on edge and I’m feeling more peace,  Thank you higher power! I haven’t really done much differently but I guess it’s about getting use to the changes,  Also writing down my food and keeping track – keeps me accountable,  I’ve heard people say this at my OA meeting but I just didn’t want to do it – my reasons were (I thought) because I didn’t want to be on another diet, that’s why I didn’t want to weigh and measure as well.  The truth is I have to cut my caloric intake and increase my activity and the only way I’m going to know where I’m at is  to keep track.

A New Discovery

The trainer who is working with my group told us about a web site called fitday.com – it’s free and very easy to use.  I like it a lot.  You can track your progress and it gives you guide lines to follow.  I’m keeping track of my food by entering into my food log.  I can print it off to show my trainer and my sponsor or review it on the site.  I’m still learning the nuances and I have to spend more time setting things up right now but as I use it it will get faster and easier to use.  If your looking for a really excellent weight management site – it is worth checking out. Time to get ready for work – so have a great abstinent day and remember – one day at a time….

Longggg day but had a great time – We went to see Anything Goes at the Grand Theatre  another High School Project. It was very well done and very funny…. also went to dinner with friends – so nice and civilized…

Last night after a long day of work – 10:30 pm I arrive home to a distraught young woman – my beautiful daughter who is waging war with her disease.  She had a bad day and confessed she ate a starbucks cookie.  We talked about it and about how she had a rough day emotionally.  I explained that she isn’t using food the way she was and that is why she feels so on edge and emotional.  I said it wasn’t surprising given she had a rough day and she learned a cookie won’t make you feel better.  It isn’t the end of the world – it’s a valuable lesson. It really is interesting how we tend to focus on the thing we messed up on.  I ate too much, I didn’t do something I should have whatever the situation – beating ourselves up is part of this crazy disease – it wants us  to be screwed up and therefore we can eat because were screwed up and what’s the point.  The point is we can beat this, with help… we can’t do it alone. Asking for help from my higher power and inner guide and reaching out to another member is a power I do have and believe me – it works. In the face of this cruel disease I can say – it does get easier …… as we gain awareness and understanding and as we feel the feelings that we have tried to push away…. trust in yourself, your friends and your spiritual guide and it will be okay.

I was exhausted and all I wanted was to go to bed and sleep – I did sleep  but it was interrupted and light, Paul is away for a few days and I hate it when he goes away.  I’m a single Mom until Friday.

Writing a food plan for a week is easy, once you do it once, you can copy and paste the previous weeks plan in and then adjust it. Change the dates and plan for the week and then do the shopping.I followed last weeks plan pretty well and adjusted as I went.  I have a long week ahead of me and I simply copied last’s weeks over – I’ve been writing down my food in a small book I’m carrying around.  Sometimes I can’t always follow my plan.  something comes up and I have to deal with it – good or bad.  In my old Diet days I wrote down everything and it worked I did lose weight – I have really resisted doing this but desperate times call for desperate measures… Continue Reading…

Saturday at the OA meeting I attend each week I listened to another members story.  What struck me like a lightening bolt was that no matter what we are dealing with, health problems, work pressures, or relationship issues, one thing stays the same – we live life one day at a time.  Looking back and ruminating over the past or worrying about what is going to happen tomorrow doesn’t help us live for today.  I believe we have to make plans I know its important to have a game plan for the week.  I  know that today is all I have -one small action at a time…

I’ve been struggling this past week with trying to make some pretty big changes.  Going to the gym and working out and eating a more regimented food plan.  Drinking more water and staying away from in between meal  snacking, especially after supper.  I’m also dealing with fatigue.  I feel tired in an unnatural way – to my core.  Everything I do is a push.  Right now as I write this I’m in my bed and I could close my laptop and return to sleep.  I can’t do this – I have to go to work – then my second job and then go to the gym.  I’m getting up right now! hehe

I’m about to shower which I hope will make me feel better and then I’ll have a nice breakfast – if I have time I’m going to make oatmeal if not I’ll have cereal with fruit and nuts. My weekly food plan is under construction and I’ll post it today during a break.  My hunger gage is on full – rarely do I feel this level of hunger in the morning.  Odd….

Ahhhh I over slept this morning and I have about 8 minutes to jot something down.  Today is another land mark day in that I’ll be leaving the house in about 30 minutes and then won’t be returning until after 9PM.  Work and  then working out – should be fun.

I’ll do better tomorrow morning – blogging I mean….

Have a great abstinent day – one day at a time.

Yesterday was a long very full day – not as long as the day before but still long.  What’s truly amazing is how much I actually accomplished given how tired I felt.   I’m not sure it’s a good thing but it does go to show you how tough I can be and how far a little push can go.  I push myself a lot and most of my self talk these days is spent pushing myself to do whatever it is I’m suppose to be doing.   I had to push myself out of bed this morning okay well I have to do this every morning… My point is even though I really don’t want to do it – secretly deep down I would rather not…. I do!  I get up I write, I get ready for work, I work, I go to the gym I workout and come home and then start all over again.  Through all my whining and complaining (in my head) I know that hard work (the right kind) pays off in the end.  I will lose weight, I will remain abstinent, I will feel better… the things promised by our trainer – more energy, feel stronger and look better. Pushing myself is necessary – without it I would just stop.  I want to feel better and look better but what I want most is my health!! I believe without a shadow of a doubt the path to better health is the one I’m on – so I continue to ask for the strength and desire to do it.  My trainer wants to see more sweat…. I want to punch him but I dig in I trust I’m doing what is needed.  He’s a triathlete I’m a bump on a log.  I guess he probably knows …. a bit more than I do about what a person needs to do to get in better shape

One thing for sure – if this doesn’t kill me first it will make me stronger!

I’m tired beyond measure this morning. I worked last night and didn’t get home until after 11 PM. My body is stiff and achy from my exercise session on Monday and today I go again.  The thought of doing a workout  is the furthest from my mind.  I like activity but I don’t like sweating and I don’t like pain!

Reframe:

I love to sweat and I love pain because it means my body is waking up. It means I’m on the road to a thinner, healthier me.  Ahh that’s more like it! Enough whining.  I’ll have a shower, eat breakfast, go to work with one of Kate’s french pressed coffees and that’s that!!

A Final Note:

A prayer for a friend! May today go as well as it can possibly go and my God keep you close.  Many friends and family are sending thoughts of support and love your way. Take care my friend…..