The Thin Side

Saturday morning and I haven’t been in the pool in weeks.  I wake up and I want to go.  My local Y opens at 7am and I’m ready…. I look forward to slipping in the water and finding a steady rhythm of breathing, moving my arms and legs, feeling the stress leave me.  I look forward to after my swim – sitting in the whirlpool for 10 minutes and the sauna for 10 minutes.  Then a nice long shower – its like the spa…

I’m off to the pool

Finding Peace  – What is peace?  I am feeling better – but I wouldn’t say I’m at peace. I guess I have some unfinished business to attend to.  When I review the past 8 months and read over some of my posts and other writings I understand better (at least for this moment) the very precarious nature of my foothold.  I wonder why I had to weather this on my own, why Icouldn’t turn to my OA friends, my closest friends or my sisters or my husband for support. Why have I been content to be alone…. in my anguish? Continue Reading…

I’ve been sick this week.  Not a surprise since I’ve been going through a pretty difficult time.  I’ve been dealing with a lot of loss. I’m trying to figure out how to grieve.  I’ve been trying to make some changes and I keep coming up against roadblocks.  Life gets in the way as the expression goes.  No more… my very wise dietitian who tells me I can make better choices and I can make the changes necessary.  Roadblocks usually provide detours – so that is how I’ll handle things.  Today I’ve made the decision to love myself – to find away to love me – physically and emotionally.  Blogging for five minutes is a start!

March 2011 ……. a really, really bad month

I’m trying to process the happenings of the past month and it’s just not computing.  My understanding of the universe, my belief in and trust in my higher power has been put to the ultimate test.

On March 6, 2011 my world changed forever.  My brother-in-law who I would not have ever guessed would do such a thing – took his own life.  He’s been a part of my life for 40 years.  I can’t understand why, I ‘m sad , angry, confused and I don’t know how to feel.  I find myself wondering if I’ll ever feel normal again.  The truth is when a person you love does such a thing you can’t make sense of it and I suppose never will.  One thing it does do is it gets you thinking about life. I mean about the decision we make each day to keep breathing… to get up in the morning and go about our days.

I will be attending my friend”s funeral tomorrow.  She was diagnosed 5 short months ago with lung cancer and began fighting for her survival and never not even at the end did she give up on life!!  How can one person choose death and another fight so courageously.  Not saying my brother-in-law wasn’t courageous – he was in some twisted way.  Both had terminal illnesses – one of them was more silent with less obvious symptoms. My life has been consumed by loss and sadness.  Moving from a job I’ve had for 12 years to another job where I have so much to learn and I’m wondering if I really want to be there.  If not there  – what?  One thing  I do know is LIFE IS TOO SHORT and I want to make some changes to my life.

Writing will be a part of my daily routine again – I will take care of myself and put myself and my family ahead of work!!! and I think I’ll start now…

I don’t want to go back to normal…….

2011 just sounds weird to me!! 2011 – 2011 – 2011 -

Well another New Years Eve come and gone.  The past couple of months has blown past.  It’s been tough on a number of fronts.

I like making lists – they are so orderly and to the point.  So I’m going to make a list of everything that happened in 2010 – good and bad and what I want to accomplish in 2011.

Stay tuned…. I’ll publish once it’s complete…

After worrying about becoming diabetic for the last few years it’s official.

how many times have  I thought about it – about it happening – about becoming my mother…. she was diagnosed in her late 40’s and here I am with the same diagnosis in my late 40’s.  She never dealt with it. Never accepted that eating sugary foods,  not exercising, being over weight would harm her – would shorten her life and would greatly effect the quality of her life.  I have been critical of her and judgmental.  Blaming her for not taking better care of herself.  Yet here I am – in the identical place.  I’ve struggled with my weight for my entire adult life….. Continue Reading…

It has been a really short work week for me – I only had to work 2 days, Thursday and Friday.  all I can say is Thank God it’s almost over. ha,ha

What’s Up

well I haven’t blogged all week and although writing helps to keep me sane and its an OA tool that works for me.  I have time issues that make blogging difficult.  I have to really make space in my day for a few words to land on the page.  I haven’t been getting up at 5:30 AM because I’m not going to bed early enough.  There are a lot of things I’m not doing and I can beat myself up about them or I can adjust my schedule and try again.  Why? because I only have today….. Practising the principles of OA and remembering that I don’t have to do this alone, that I can call someone or read some literature or find a meeting and attend.  The next thing is working the steps! Sometimes I feel like WTF! how can I do everything I need to do – work life balance – WTF is that! Acronyms are great aren’t they? Continue Reading…

I’m off today to go to a funeral.  My sister’s mother-in-law passed away Monday night after a one year long battle with cancer.  She was actually diagnosed around this time last year. She was over 90 years old and was ready for the next and final phase of her life – to die.

She lived about 2 hours away just north of Kitchener so we are on the road shortly.  My sister is here from Scotland and this weekend we are celebrating Thanksgiving with family.  My son and his fiance will be here too.  I am truly blessed.

Plan of Eating

I haven’t posted it but I am tracking my food by writing it down.  I’ll post it at some point either today or tomorrow. Until I do …. I trust I will eat reasonably and with  awareness.

What a creative title I’ve come up with today…. I’m playing the catch up game.  I worked late last night and I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning.  I’m driving to Toronto this afternoon after work to pick up my sister who is visiting from her home in Scotland. I am very excited to see her and catch up. 

I like my title because that is what I’m doing I’m fighting a losing battle – I’m working hard at losing weight and trying to get in better physical health.  I am now experiencing the physical recovery of my program.  I haven’t posted my weekly food plan yet but will soon.  Rest assured I am keeping track of all my food through my food & activity tracker at fitday.com. I’m running late so I have to head out – I’ll check in later and update my weekly plan….

Monday October 3rd, 2010

The weekend went by and I had plans  – yet I accomplished all of nothing.  The crazy part is I was busy all weekend. As I reflect on the past weekend I ruminate  on what went wrong and why I didn’t accomplish what I needed to.  Of course the answer is simple I have too much to do.  When this happens to me sometimes it backfires and I get nothing accomplished. Continue Reading…