The Thin Side

Sometimes things aren’t as they seem – sometimes it’s hard to know what the right thing is to do.  The hard stuff, the crap life hands you sometimes doesn’t make any sense at the time – but the truth is at some point if you take the time and you let yourself trust in the process –  answers to questions are revealed – peace and understanding will come. 

I’m dealing with a lot of crap right now  – I use the word crap because it sounds good. C-R-A-P….  yes it’s an appropriate word.  I have so much stuff to cope with that I’m asking the question WHY – why am I working  – sitting at my desk attempting to get the work done – that will or won’t — I’m sooooo tired – so emotionally drained —sssoooo frustrated confused and overwhelmed.  Yet here I am!! WTF

My work life is a shambles and my outlook on the future uncertain.  To keep going in the capacity that I’m working is insanity.  It’s time for me to make some wholesale changes – to figure out what I want to do and then how do I set about doing it. I am praying for help and guidance… I’m going to trust and put these problems and issues out into the universe and believe that it will be revealed.  In the meantime I’m going to do an awesome job!! because that is how I work, because that is who I am, because I believe hard work and commitment will be rewarded (maybe not financially) but I can hold my head up and say I did my best and even if it isn’t enough – if it doesn’t change anything – I can know in my heart that it wasn’t because I didn’t do my best -

So I’m packing up and tomorrow morning I’m coming to work early to get a fresh start on things and put a fresh face on it.  Here’s hoping

It has been a really short work week for me – I only had to work 2 days, Thursday and Friday.  all I can say is Thank God it’s almost over. ha,ha

What’s Up

well I haven’t blogged all week and although writing helps to keep me sane and its an OA tool that works for me.  I have time issues that make blogging difficult.  I have to really make space in my day for a few words to land on the page.  I haven’t been getting up at 5:30 AM because I’m not going to bed early enough.  There are a lot of things I’m not doing and I can beat myself up about them or I can adjust my schedule and try again.  Why? because I only have today….. Practising the principles of OA and remembering that I don’t have to do this alone, that I can call someone or read some literature or find a meeting and attend.  The next thing is working the steps! Sometimes I feel like WTF! how can I do everything I need to do – work life balance – WTF is that! Acronyms are great aren’t they? Continue Reading…

I’m expecting today will be a tough day.  I can’t elaborate why but I wish I could stay home and not  deal with it – I wish I could run away and hide – I wish I could change into a bird and fly away.

What can I do about the day ahead – nothing — the serenity prayer is how I intend to handle the day.  I have no control over what other people say or do – I only have control over what I say and do.  Change may be in the wind and I will accept whatever the consequences. Also….. I know that today is just another day and it will end.  It will be what it will be.

My hubby has returned from walking the dog and I’m sitting in bed writing.  I’m having a cup of tea that he has just handed me and I’m grateful for his presence.  He can help calm the waters just by giving me a hug and saying a few well chosen words.

I have much to be grateful for. It’s too easy to forget this when I’m so busy and I’m working hard.

1. I am healthy. Sure I have some health concerns but I generally feel pretty good.

2. I am in a loving relationship – my husband loves me and I him – after 21 years of marriage I can still get goose bumps when I think about him.

3. I have two really amazing children – one who is on his own working at a job he loves in Montreal and planning on marrying the love of his life next fall. My daughter is a beautiful talented young woman who is recovering from a serious depression an anxiety disorder and an eating disorder.  She is taking it one day at a time and I’m so proud of her.  Grateful that we still have her in our lives. Continue Reading…

Getting Excited about Exercise

…is an oxymoron to me – the two don’t really go together.  Our second class last night was tough sledding to say the least.  We warmed up by doing 10 minutes on the treadmill which I avoided by going on the cross trainer.  My feet hurt anyway so I’ll try the tread mill tomorrow.  Then we did a circuit where we had stations and for 45 seconds we did different kinds of exercises.  Everything hurt and everything was hard and I was sweating a lot. BUT I did it and afterwards I felt a little weak around the knees. I’m told by the trainers who are working with us that it will get easier and more enjoyable.  I’m not sure I believe them I think they might be masochists. Continue Reading…

21 Years of Marriage

It doesn’t seem possible that so many years have slipped by.  It feels like yesterday. I knew the day I meant Paul it was meant to be.  I have always maintained it was Divine intervention that got us together and it was love at first sight.  21 years ago it was a beautiful day – the sun was shining and our wedding was in my sisters back yard.  We had the ceremony in their garden and afterward the party was in the backyard under a huge tent. The day I married Paul was one of the best days of my life!! Continue Reading…

I don’t know if I’ll have much time to write this week as I’m in the final crunch before we head out on our two week holiday to Scotland with a little stop in Paris on the way home. I’m planning to blog while travelling. Continue Reading…

This is my 100th Post

Friday morning  – April 16th, 2010

I’m marveling at the very simple fact that I have had enough ambition to write 100 posts.  I haven’t been able to keep my original goal of writing something every single day, but that was and remains my intent.  I want to write each day…. I am learning how to blog by blogging and I have many more posts in me.  I want to do more on my blog.  I’m going to add a few more categories and I want to do more with music, pictures and video.  I’d also like other people to contribute to the blog.  Articles, essays, poetry contributed by others who struggle as I do. I would like to provide resources for people who are looking for help or inspiration. If you’re interested please let me know.  You can leave a comment …. I love comments….. Continue Reading…

One day at a time….

Even when I’m busy and feel like the days are rushing by and I’m not really accomplishing very much…. I am. I’m living each day and working hard towards a goal that I may or may not reach. It’s paramount to stop for a few minutes and say the serenity prayer, breath air into my lungs deeply and be grateful for whatever the day brings.  Happiness, sorrow and everything in between. I have no idea what today will bring I can only plan to a point and then run with it.  One thing for certain I will do – is remain abstinent and free from eating compulsively.  Continue Reading…

Wisdom teeth stories

Everyone has at least one story about having wisdom teeth extracted – if they still have them or not …

My dear sweet Kate is recovering from having her wisdom teeth out and I’m trying to recover from the worst cold sore ever.  Kate is suffering mightily as she developed an infection over night and she is feeling and looking pretty awful.  poor kid.   I’ve just returned from the hospital (again) and Kate is on the couch visiting with some school friends who have stopped by to cheer her up. Continue Reading…