After worrying about becoming diabetic for the last few years it’s official.

how many times have  I thought about it – about it happening – about becoming my mother…. she was diagnosed in her late 40’s and here I am with the same diagnosis in my late 40’s.  She never dealt with it. Never accepted that eating sugary foods,  not exercising, being over weight would harm her – would shorten her life and would greatly effect the quality of her life.  I have been critical of her and judgmental.  Blaming her for not taking better care of herself.  Yet here I am – in the identical place.  I’ve struggled with my weight for my entire adult life…..

But I’m Not My Mother…..

Friday morning I received the official diagnosis… I have type II diabetes.  I was expecting it but when I heard the ACTUAL words I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach.  I’m shocked at how it made me feel. I was so prepared.  Funny how things work out – Friday afternoon my daughter and I went to see a dietician – an appointment we had for weeks.  She was fabulous… listened to both of us – talked to my daughter in a way that did not minimize her affliction and not once did I feel judged.  The truth is – I’m disappointed in myself.. I’m wishing that I could have done more – been better, smarter.  But I have worked really hard on changing my bad habits. I accepted that my problem was bigger than me and that I needed help.  That I couldn’t do it alone.  I did get help and I have made so many changes.  Wow you know what – I just realized I’m not my mother!!

Things I’ve learned and things that I’ve changed -

  1. Two years ago this January 1st – I quit eating chocolate and drinking alcohol. Soon after that I quit eating peanut butter too.
  2. I joined Over Eaters Anonymous and found out that I am not alone.
  3. I began attending meetings and started to work the 12 steps.
  4. I got a sponsor who helped me on so many levels -
  5. I developed a plan of eating with my sponsor and hp as guides
  6. I prayed
  7. I wrote this blog
  8. I survived my 16 year old daughter’s mental breakdown, the death of our beloved golden retriever Rumour, my dear cousin’s death, difficulties at work and monumental financial stress.
  9. I survived my own overwhelming feelings and old emotional wounds – I worked through them and learned I didn’t have to eat because of them.
  10. I’ve forgiven myself and am free to succeed at whatever I choose to do.
  11. I’ve forgiven those who have wronged me – I no longer blame everyone else for my problems.
  12. I learned to live in the moment and to take one day at a time.

so it’s true I’m me – and this is my journey – just like my daughter is on her own journey.  Sure I feel sad that she has these struggles – but I know she has me. Even if we scream at each other – we both know we love each other and can understand on a level so deep its easy to get lost in it. The next phase of this journey has arrived – I’ll do everything in my power to trust in the process and I know that one day at a time will get me to my goal of a healthy mind & body.